woh. i've just suddenly discovered the smiths again. somehow they got lost when i was at uni, blowing out and over my head. but today i was in a cafe and i heard the song and i listened to the words.
i've been doing that more again, that thing i used to do as a teenager. hear the song, then look at the lyrics properly on the vinyl cover, then listen to the song with the words right there. it's like remembering to eat again or something - seems ridiculously simple when i say it right here.
well, my friend who is a great writer and was uncharacteristically wearing a black cockatoo suit all around the roe 8 protests wrote to me and said he'd been listening to the smiths all week. i thought about him again when i saw that mr soundgarden died, because my writer friend's brother died too in the same way, by his own hands.
it's unthinkable, but when you're in that deep spot of true bother, it's thinkable, the taking of the own life.
i'm going hiking so i'm not writing this week, i'm writing now, with the smell of honey and coconut oil and toasted seeds that went into the muesli bars i made instead of getting more sleep. i did start a big article finally all about roe 8, but there's never time to finish what we start, except life of course, we always finish that.
don't die friends, keep talking to each other, and just trying to stay alive til you feel better. you probably will feel better, you definitely will feel better, but not if you're gone, you won't feel anymore.
and the other thing i was thinking today was this:
Small lives, we mainly have small lives. Drinking coffee, marketing coffee, choosing watches. Our lives could be epic. New lands, new species, saving species with our bodies on the line, making literature with our daily rituals. Nah, coffee, dumb jobs to buy dumb things. Printing pictures of stars on our clothing instead of trying to go there by seeking out a method of astral travel that causes no environmental harm.
so when i heard the smith's song, 'heaven knows i'm miserable now' all the lyrics seemed to be about straight forward anti-capitalism ideas, and some daily dose of what it means to be a lady and feel a feminist rising. i'll put the words again here, so you can see what i mean: "In my life / Why do I give valuable time / To people who don't care if I live or die?" people thought i was sad to post that song, but really i was feeling great and just agreeing that our current way is just a dumb way that makes us all miserable in intense ways amongst all the kfc.
and why not also look up the lyrics to the song "ask" so you can make more sense of the title of this writing?
so yeah, good bye one good guy, hello again the smiths, and see you when i'm back from the lands of the kaniyang people, whose name you might not have heard, but you might have heard the white name "Collie".