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PIRELLI CALENDAR 2016, MARK ZUCKERBERG, A POD OF DOLPHINS WITH THEIR HEADS STILL ON

The Amber Fresh Chronicles

PIRELLI CALENDAR 2016, MARK ZUCKERBERG, A POD OF DOLPHINS WITH THEIR HEADS STILL ON

Andrew Ryan

two special things happened today:
mark zuckerberg and his wife said they’re giving away 99% of facebook shares to ‘good causes’, and the first photos from the new pirelli calendar came out.

this morning i was on the water, in a little long boat. my old drummer was there and my friend from paris who was just in a bikini.

we saw the swans i always see now: there is one family with two black parents and five grey kids, and one family with two grey kids.

we aren’t a family, just friends in the same species.

these days i tell my friends i have three problems: how to order my songs for my album; what to do about the man in france i like, beautiful tough sound engineer who isn’t into FaceTime but took me to the country to walk in the forest and take potential album cover photos; and world peace.

the last one is again linked to the phrase “how to turn a man into cream”, from last week.

i’ve been thinking and dreaming about the men and women who go all the way to another country to blow themselves up or cut off the head of some stranger. to them it’s not a stranger though, it’s another species. i think about steak night tonight with sav, the cow that’s getting its head cut clean or not clean off, in the past, to get cooked right up for me tonight, and lain there amongst the pretty great chips and all the gravy.

me and matt were messaging about “steak night” and then it got on to the pirelli calendar. this time it’s all ladies with their clothes on, and without their heads cut off.

when the frenchman shows me a photographer he likes i look up the pictures and if the man has cut off the heads of the women because he just likes the shape from the neck to the thighs, we say to each other “il faut pas couper la tête!”

what a lovely surprise for a man in his office who doesn’t read The New York Times or Vogue on the internet to open up the parcel with the special pirelli curled blacklined insignia in the corner, and slip out the package and untie the little brown ribbon and undo the paper and to find, there on his leather desk 12 months of ladies, all gloriously clothed and in black and white, instead of naked and splayed torsos and pelvises all with the heads cut right off by the silver blade of one type of funny off-reason.

well, back down at the river we begin to understand the routines of the birds. the ducks eat in the middle of the day. they put their heads under and leave their last feathers out like shark fins but without threat, and the pelicans are day eaters too. in the evening they just like to glide across the sky as small projector screens for the sunset to light up orange – a clockwork orange of pelicans. the jellyfish – meduses in french – get maybe eaten a little bit by the fish but it’s hard to say. there was one today as big as my head. i wanted to tell the frenchman as i’d sent him a photo of one another day and he’d exclaimed “incroyable cette méduse!”

the other day there were dolphins and i put my hand in the water to try and speak to them but in the end i had to just chase them til they circled round me a bit and we all went together up the river.

..
everyone is called matt in this story, the frenchman, the drummer, the photographer, the friend who bought the kayaks and began the paddle clubb. everyone except the man at his desk, and me, and the pelicans, and the twelve – thirteen women in the pirelli calendar, and the cow, and the ducks and the dolphins.

..
i went to nick’s to get the typewriter. in the case was a piece starting with the words “Dear Soul”. he read a few lines in front of me and then tossed it to the side. today he replied to a fan letter from scotland from many years ago which may or may not get to the right person depending on how often scottish teenagers move house.

“they eat seafood every night and they don’t even have to work,” i thought about the egrets, diving their long necks in. they eat at lunchtime and at dinner, like us.

..
so that’s why today felt like a wonderful first day of summer. pirelli said yes to clothes left on, mark and priscilla said yes to giving everything away*, egrets, ducks and pelicans on the river only had to dip their heads under to be full, and i got to keep my head on too. for now, “go humanity!” as sav says.

*we shall see

EPILOGUE.
i ate a mushroom burger instead. sav got steak.