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The Amber Fresh Chronicles

24 HOURS ON TINDER VS A PIECE OF MARSUPIAL SCAT

Andrew Ryan

would you like me to tell you about the amazing cocoon some animal left at my doorstep this morning, or about my 24 hours on tinder? well as fate would have it, it turns out after investigation that the cocoon is actually some small marsupial’s poo, which makes the segue even easier.

i decided to go on tinder for one day, to give the man one more chance to find me. it was after coming back from a week hiking in the wilderness, and my mind had been beautifully cleaned by all the rain and all the just thinking about one thing in front of me, one thing to do every day. i was with teenagers and adults and the only noises i heard for the whole week were their voices and the voices of the birds and insects and coastal shrubs and trees and oceans and rain on tents in the night. my ears have become attuned to far off noises, birds in the distance, the plumber in the kitchen, nick making hits in the music room. but i knew all this cerebral and spirit cleansing could be jeopardised by going straight back into this other world of one close screen, so close it could be part of your body or a piece of clothing, and filled with hundreds and millions of voices of others trying hard to get your attention or make you like them or work for them.

but still i went on tinder. i’m outside writing this by the way, on the typewriter. next to me on my notepad is the marsupial poo, and in my bedroom is my extinguished phone – something has changed. ~just showed the poo to nick “what do you reckon made it and laid it on my doorstep?” “dog” he said with a ridiculous grin. it’s not from a dog ~

so i went on tinder and quickly found the modes of being australian that it presented. every man has a dog, a beer, and/or fishes, and/or inexplicably snowboards, and/or has arm tattoos, and/or is doing or has friends doing a shakka. and every many is wearing the same vneck shirt (if he’s wearing a shirt) and same long shorts made by children or overworked women in some other country.

i kept swiping left. “this man looks like my brother” “this man has taken a picture of himself in the car, trying to make it look like he hasn’t taken the picture” “this man works in the mines”, and began wondering if truly i’m a snob. i talked to a few men – in a few exchanges they would reveal themselves to me: a nice guy; a man who has learned how to interact like this is a game and so, often wins, but not with me; a lonely traveller also weirded out by ‘strayan culture. but it took nearly the whole 24 hours to realise that actually i’m not a snob, but that the reason more men didn’t appeal is the bigness of the world. there are so many possibilities here on earth, and something about every man having the same short hair and the same tshirt and the same beverage or animal in his hand and the same skin decoration sort of randomly pilfered from the cultures of other countries did whatever is the opposite of intruiging me. this marsupial poo, on the other hand, seems filled with a world of interest. there are the husks of insects, which at first appear like sticks which is why i thought ‘cocoon’. there are fungal spores already growing off it, readying this piece of left behind beauty to nourish other organisms.

our culture is strange and antithetical to the ways of the universe. what do we nourish as we type up articles or work far away on the mines?

i went on tinder to find beautiful love, as my beautiful friends have randomly done and found there. but now i’m going back to the world of far off birds and far away cloud shapes and the moon and the clarity of spirit that comes from examining leaves and poop.

and tonight i’m going to watch my kitchen rules, but i’m going to newly leave my phone off, meanwhile sending love out to all the men in vnecks, with beers in their hands and dogs in their tattooed arms, and the memory of big carves on their surfboards and snowboards in their minds, knowing if we were out in the wilderness together forever we’d probably all see each other as we really are, and maybe even fall in love.