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459 Fitzgerald Street
North Perth, WA, 6006
Australia

The Wand, A Wander IRL (in real life)

The Amber Fresh Chronicles

The Wand, A Wander IRL (in real life)

Andrew Ryan

“the internet” is a little bit finished i reckon, except for good things, like seeing people posing with a baby goat they met, or doing big data to get a healing win against the big diseases (they secretly want us to win anyway).

but IRL i see the best things ever. (doesn’t mean i don’t love you strangers that write to me privately and say nice things… for knowing you, the internet is worth it)

on monday i didn’t go to a show, but i had one of the best hours of my life. it went like this:

i walked to the ocean, talking to The Big. on my way there and in the next hour i saw maybe at least a hundred different types of flowers. the smallest one was this small: if you got two hundred of the petals you could fit them all onto your one fingernail. actually, make that five hundred if you’ve got nice big hands like a baker or a computer programmer.

anyway, so this is the story of the wand.

down at the ocean i looked out across the waters and wondered why my heart was still sad. little heart, why are you still sad? you know things you can do in the world, you’ve got some nice friends, all the rest. so i called to The Big for some happiness, and i picked up a wand.

when i say a wand, i mean a little stick that’s gone into the water to smooth itself and which told me this secret: i am alive! and everything you point me to will come alive.

so i walked along, pointing my wand, and everything came alive. there was one starfish, dead by the shore, but i knew alive with a million things on its skin, its seven legs shaped like elongated pyramids, and seven being the special number of completion.

and i pointed my wand to the shore and there was a big gull, the ones that are four times the size of seagulls, and that move more slowly and that my friend sam and i call “birdsworth”, and which me and nick’s dog is named after.

i kept walking and kept pointing my wand into the water and everywhere i pointed things came alive. i got to the big rock, bombie rock, which we jump off and sting rays live under and i saw some tiny pieces of dust in the water and thought how they’re alive too and looked a little closer and it was a thousand tiny dust sized fish.

and i touched another starfish washed up and picked it up with the wand and lo and behold its pyramid arms went stiff and i looked under and all its thousands of tiny movers, all clear like clear jellybeans with a bright line of orange going up each one, were moving still and i took it to a rock and it tiptoed onto it, this big starfish, nearly too heavy for the wand to lift and gently walking itself into the waters.

and i saw striped fish and green fish and tiny fish, and a crow and a magpie on the same bit of land and then birdsworth flies out before me and catches a fish. she takes it back to the shore and starts teaching me about how she likes to eat and the little seagulls flew over to her but she just keeps eating and then one time takes the little fish to the water again to wash away all the sand – 3 second rule. 300 billion year rule. if it’s been on the ground or in the water for even that long it’s still good to eat, birdsworth showed me how.

and i keep going along the rocks and touch the wand to a rock underwater that looks like it has lips, and the lips close up! lips the size of a little child’s mouth, closing up and showing its true nature.

and then the thing that makes me go “WOH” out loud all alone on the rocks appeared. i look down into the water and see a black long eel! but it’s not an eel it’s a beautiful slippery cobbler with long whiskers winding back under the rock. it was as big as our arms, you and me, moving like an eel if you’ve never seen a cobbler so you can understand.

and then i climbed the rocks and saw broken glass and cans from the humans and tried to make peace with them in my heart. we’re the only ones like that. the other ones eat each other, but only we do the plastic and glass thing, being cheeky in a way that isn’t cute. but i’m gathering all the plastic up in my mind and throwing it to a special plastic planet where they eat it for breakfast as a delicacy, but in big bowls and just at the time they get sick of it, like oysters, they’ve used it all up, all the earth’s plastic. something like that.

and then i saw the eskimo out on the rocks fishing. i went close to him or her but not very close and the eskimo smiled at me through a furry collar, not a cheeky smile, but a big smile like we knew each other, and i did one back too because i felt the same. i’d fallen in love because the eskimo did a little glance around to make sure he or she’d left no bits from fishing. i was carrying a piece of glass and the eskimo was carrying a fishing rod and got into a four wheel drive and smiled through the window leaving.

there was lots of other things too, they’re in my brain. and you saw many things also, all in your brain. keep the good ones, gather up the crap ones and throw them to the planet where your troubles are a delicacy that they’ll eat up and send you back nice things instead – songs and hommous and grass to run around on.

p.s. the photo is somewhat unrelated, but this is emlyn johnson and he’s coming back to perth soon and will probably play a show. make sure you go if you like great music and a song called ‘lumberjack’ or ‘timbertigerman’ sounds like it would appeal to you