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459 Fitzgerald Street
North Perth, WA, 6006
Australia

Finally Doing

Tahlia Palmer: Steady Eye

Finally Doing

Andrew Ryan

A young humanoid emerges from a river. It pulls its shoulders right back, it stands upright, it looks around, taking in the trees, the dirt, the high bank on which I am standing, my camera fixed to a shoddily put together mount I made all-by-my-self, specifically for this moment. It doesn’t hide all the shakes. I’m only human. A human shakes sometimes. I was shaking because I was particularly happy to finally be filming that thing. Organising it was kind of hard, but it happened, finally.

Lately I have found myself reveling in Finally. No, that sounds morbid. It’s not a morbid revelry, not in the slightest. It’s the opposite, in fact; one might call it wholesome. Wholesome pleasures. So it’s not just reveling in Finally; I’m reveling in Finally Doing.

Finally doing things I haven’t done in a while. Making a music video is one of the things. It’s been in the works for months but now it’s happening, and it’ll be kinda cute and kinda pretty, and hopefully also kinda funny. I would like to get really good at nailing comedy in filmmaking, specifically in ways that aren’t reliant on dialogue.

I’ve also finally had a casting interview, sort of out of nowhere, sort of. Blame it on a spur-of-the-moment decision, something to do with a manic up swing. 10 year old me would be so proud of 27 year old me, even if 27 year old me is ambivalent, possibly confused about the prospect of being on a television show. It’s for something amazing though. Something I want to be involved in. So I thought I would give it a shot. Who knows what going to happen? Nothing more can be said, secretttttssssss…

I finally got my eyes tested again, and purchased a pair of seeing-eye glasses. I’ve been putting it off for so long. I was late for the appointment – I decided to join my darling bestfella and visiting fellow-CPNer Ms. Amber Fresh for coffee and chats before the appointment, and I spent too long looking at second hand books and lost track of time. On the train I called the shop to tell them I might be late, and they said if I was going to be later than 15 mins, we would have to reschedule for tomorrow.

I am not used to spending money on things that are good for me, and my gut told me I wouldn’t go back in to the city if the appointment were changed for another day. My eye-sight isn’t completely fucked, so I’ve been able to put off purchasing new frames since the old ones broke a few years ago. They were held together by string for months. Months and months. But then Pete and I talked about it the other night for a bit, and he seemed to think that I would probably smile a hell of a lot easier if I can see all the little details of my environment, and I decided to go with it. So I crossed my fingers as I sat on that train, and hoped I wouldn’t be later than 15 mins.

I arrived at 2:16, just as the previous appointment-haver walked out of the back room. GLORY BE! And the four people who worked in the front of that optometrist place were all a weird kind of beautiful under the harsh fluoro lighting, they were so crisp and neat in their trendiness and I didn’t feel uncomfortable or intimidated in the slightest (even though I still get pimples on my chin from resting it in my hands all the time) because I found their Melbourne-Central retail professional brand of fashion to be easily recognizable, somehow; maybe from a hazy mind-mixture of sci-fi films where retail workers are beautiful robots or something plus fashion shoots from old Vice magazines. The farce was palpable, and I saw it – but I only saw it; I wasn’t angered, or disgusted, or full of so much loathing so as to be tempted to turn around and walk out of that sales hub and right in to the nearest bar. Again with the manic up-swing: I felt nothing but invincible in that situation. And the frames I wanted were cheap too! Fkn tip-top.

I actually love getting my eyes tested. It is so soothing, generally, but this time was a little different because there was the slight “doof-doof” of the trendoid beats coming from the shop front. I didn’t mind so much: it was still nice because I had little laughs with the gal who checked my eyes. She said that there is a little scaring within my right eyeball from when I accidentally popped a bottle cap in to it really hard the other night, but it’s healing well and I’ll be fine.

I finally made a website for my photography things. I finally went to see a psychologist. I finally listened Nick’s album properly a bunch of times, and I finally got to tell him that I enjoy it. I enjoy it a lot (I knew I would). I finally acquired a copy of “The Decline of the West”, but will have to wait before I can finally read it. Finally threw Mogwai albums in to iTunes. Finally went to see a good witchy friend of mine and finally lay on her floor holding crystals in my hands, listening to her talk me through and out of some of my anxieties. Finally found some people willing to sell my paintings for me. Finally skyped my grandmother, and she said it had been a year since she’s seen me and I couldn’t believe it. Finally got a Gameboy Advance emulator for my computer so can finally play Pokemon and my WORD am I addicted to it.

—- —- —-

Two men push a young humanoid back in to the river from which it came, and that is how the music video will end. I’ve been viewing this little film in my head for ages, and I finally get to film it all, edit it together and see it on a screen, get to show whoever wants to look at it what I was seeing in my head for ages. Dunno if I’ll finally get to relax at the end of it all though. One day I will finally get to relax.