Stop, Hey, What's that Sound?

This week I’ve been scouring the internet for “strange sounds”. I first came across it on Facebook when a friend of mine who is very much looking forward to the apocalypse posted this one. I was entranced, and for about three hours I knuckled down and researched the fuck out of these strange sounds. I watched clip after clip, found a blog dedicated to it, came across lots of forum discussions and discovered a conspiracy theory that these spooky sounds could directly relate to.

Religious types are claiming that these sounds are the trumpets of the angels heralding the apocalypse, backing it up with bits from the bible because that is OBVIOUSLY TRUTH NO DOUBT ABOUT IT DEFINITELY ANGELS WITH TRUMPETS. Other- less religious- types are saying it’s HAARP fucking with the atmosphere again, in a way we’ve never seen before. Sound nerds are saying most of them are blatant fakes because the frequencies don’t correspond with the recording equipment, cynics are saying that it’s an attempt at viral marketing for a film coming out later this year, and then other, quieter types are tentatively mentioning this thing called the Blue Beam Project.

What’s the Blue Beam Project? If you’ve got the time and inclination, it’s all here for you to readbut I will sum it up as simply as possible (which will be difficult) just in case you have to get back to work and don’t want to read (possibly) irrelevant texts about a new world order… but then why are you reading my column in the first place?

Project Blue Beam: Run by NASA, this action plan for bringing the world under the rule of a big ol’ single government body was brought to public attention by a man named Serge Monast in 1994 (he has apparently killed two years later by the Canadian Government). He stated that there were a number of steps that would take place in the coming years to bring the population together and make them willing to accept a New World Order. The first step will/has been engineered earthquakes, which would “uncover” a whole bunch of hoaxed discoveries which will prove that humanity has misunderstood all religious texts, Christianity ain’t a real thing, Islam ain’t a real thing, none of it is real and whatever the discoveries are will be the actual proof of humanity’s beginnings, which should apparently throw everyone into a OH SHIT WHAT DO WE DO NOW spin.

Waiiiiiit a minute.
Archeological evidence… evolution of man… no tangible sign of a God…
I don’t quite see how archeological proof will change the minds of anyone who hasn’t been converted back to sanity by learning about ANYTHING WE’VE ALREADY DUG UP FROM THE EARTH. Maybe the “discoveries” will be absolute, complete, irrefutable proof. Like a whole alien skeleton fossilized while in copulation with a chimpanzee with fossilized human children around them, and they’ve all got DNA samples stored away in there that prove the children were offspring of this unlikely couple. Now THAT would be hard to dismiss.

The next step towards NWO will be a HUGE light and sound crazy-time over every nation, directed by NASA: “… holographic images will be used in a simulation of the ending during which all nations will be shown scenes that will be the fulfillment of that which they desire to verify the prophecies and adversary events.”, and all the while Soviet technology will be transmitting sounds in every human language that is supposed to be God or whatever talking to them, both through the air and in their heads. All of this will then transform into a “new messiah”, which, if everything goes according to plan, all the humans will worship and do anything he says.

I think this Monast fellow may have been a little too aware of how dumb people CAN be, and not aware enough of how smart people actually are. Can you see this thing working in an age where smartphones are normal and everyone knows how lasers work? But apparently this soviet technology has a back up plan for all these modern people who don’t believe in a God with a name, or any God for that matter- send them suicidal electromagnetic waves if they don’t comply. How do they figure out which ones to do that to? Maybe they’ll just pick the cities with the least amount of religious devotees and slam them with the wrist cutting beam just to be sure.

I would definitely fall into this category, if this conspiracy did turn out to be true. I’d be all “IT’S NASA, NOT GOD, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?”, and would probably kind of want to kill myself without the Soviet technology telling me to anyway. It would certainly be easier than trying to live a peaceful life outside of government detection in what is supposed to be a SATANIC WORLD GOVERNING SYSTEM. What the hell does that even mean? Satan? Jesus? WHUT?? Y U NO GET RID OF RELIGIOUS BULLSHIT FROM YR CONSPIRACY? I would take it all WHOLE lot more seriously if no one ever mentioned that this new world order thing is a satanic thing. “Cult of Man”, sure, selfish individualism, yes yes yes- I can see how that would work, but do you REALLY have to use the word satanic these days, when it’s so fucking outdated and emotionally meaningless to everyone with a brain?

But getting back to the point: I can see how people are kind of thinking that this Strange Sound “phenomenon”- if they’re actually real sounds and not a marketing ploy or a joke started by stoned teenagers in Europe- could be part of Project Blue Beam. I can definitely see it. It’s a terrifying, bloody concept that no one would wish for, but all signs, as with all these things, point kind of vaguely towards yes. UFO sightings can be interpreted at preliminary tests of the hologram technology, claims of abduction into alien spaceships are tests for the tractor beams that will make people believe it’s the Rapture, flinging them out into space and killing thousands, but more likely millions… all the bad things, all the worst paranoia about a power hungry, corrupt government comes out in this little fucking doozy of a conspiracy theory, with some ridiculous “evidence” that makes you kinda kinda sort of maybe want to believe it. To be prepared. You know?

But I’ll leave you on a nice note. In my search for strange sounds, I came across this one, posted a good few years before the ones that sparked my search- it’s a recording of what is apparently sounds coming from deep within a cave. I’ve skipped over a few minutes of the poster’s theorizing and explanation, to get straight to the good bit- it takes a few seconds to build up, and once it’s does it’s beaaaauuuutiful.