Life is made up of a series of individual moments, which, when grouped together, create experiences. Experiences shape a human-being’s existence, and while each experience varies in intensity and situational context, be it a romantic or sexual encounter, a physical activity, a drug-induced epiphany, or an unexpectedly meaningful interaction with another human being, they nevertheless constitute the basis for our perception of reality.
So when we encounter a special moment, for example, scaling a roof and sustaining the biggest blood blister you’ve ever had on your big toe, just for the sake of watching a boy play his guitar under a canopy of palm fronds when you had no idea he was going to look that intently at you as he played, as feeling a completely unexpected visceral reaction to both the visual and audio stimulus, it is only natural to feel excited about the thought of something similar happening again.
Different scenarios may occur, along the same lines, and after time, the situation is met with a sense of expectation. This may be one of the biggest lessons I have learnt, in all scenarios, be it sexual, academic, friendship, family, intoxication, anything… that with expectation comes disappointment. Not only do not many things/people/situations not live up to expectations (blame hollywood, advertising, an idealistic nature, the collective excitement of your peers, whatever), but the resulting disappointment can have far more impact on your resulting life choices than you can ever had imagined.Take the classic boys night out for example. A group of buddies gets all excited, a couple of them need some girls to bang, all the boys try to help out, and it ends up just being them talking up one guy getting laid so much so that they put so pressure on that no action can be taken, and no one gets laid because expectations are too high and no possible scenario could lead to sex of any kind. And when a group of people are taking drugs. Everyone starts to feel the effects at different rates, but as soon as the effects are discussed: “OH MAN, I’m so high right now that this guy talking to me is weirding me out because I can see into soul and know exactly why he’s chosen that style of glasses” as opposed to “hahahahaaaa, glasses are weird”… that’s when too much self awareness creates a brutal grounding, a trip back to reality, and the knowledge that you’re fighting to stay there.The same theory can be put into place with romantic encounters. You could be having a terrific casual, flirtatious encounter with someone who you have, without a doubt, terrific chemistry with, completely lost in those cosy, all-encompassing moments outside of the influence of anything except valium and English comedy series, until you begin to write a piece about the natural evolution of interpersonal relationships, and you’re so doped up and boozey and want nothing more than to continue this invigorating, creative experience with no expectations attached that it is impossible to write any more, for fear of creating expectations and potentially ruining something that has barely begun. I’m beginning to let my saliva fall out of my mouth, and this needs to end. Unfortunate timing, but given the subject matter, and it’s relation to my personal life, it has to be done. You’ve all been here. Best of luck. Don’t let over-analysation get in the way of ANYTHING you desire.