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Totally gross facts

Tahlia Palmer: Steady Eye

Totally gross facts

Andrew Ryan

It’s a Wednesday, and I know you all want to know some gross facts. No messing around, here you go:

The average amount of semen per ejaculation is approx 1 teaspoon (5mls). The average male ejaculates approximately 7200 times during the course of their sexual lives (14-65 years of age). Which means that men will spurt, on average, about 36 litres of semen in that time period; so given that there is on average about 2mls of sperm per ejaculation (around 320 million), men expel about 2304 billion individual sperm while they are alive.

In industrialised countries, the average age of menarche (very first period) is 12 years old, and the average age of menopause is approx 52 years old. In Australia, the average woman has 1.37 children, which equates to 11.43 months with a bun in the oven, out of the 480 months our bodies spend preparing for baby making. Assuming that skipped periods are more common that more than one period a month, we’ll say that the average woman skips 1 period a year… which brings us to the following equations:

39(years)x11(months)= 429 ×35ml= 15015ml
(0.57×35ml= 19.95)…
I’m sure I’ve done something wrong/missed something here (seriously, working this stuff out brought on a mild anxiety attack. I’m definitely not a number person. I got a C in Discrete Maths in year 12 and haven’t had to think about maths since, except for splitting electricity bills and counting tills…), this should work out to be an average of approx 15.03 litres of blood produced by each functioning uterus per average female lifetime. That’s enough to kill you if it all came out at one time.

Moving on to non-gender specific statistics now…

The current world average life expectancy is 67.2 years of age.

Given that the average production of urine is 1.5L per day, the average person pees about 78.3 litres during their adult lifetime, assuming that the standard amount of food and drink consumed as an adult begins at about 15 years of age.

On average, we produce 3.17kg of faecal matter a day, equating to 1157.05kg a year. With this same 15-years-old-as-the-beginning-of-adult-consumption assumption, this means that we will poop about 60.4 tonnes over our adult lifetime. That’s, like, 10 elephants.

The next logical question to ask is: how much poop will the average person consume in their lifetime? And it’s a fair enough question; our limbs sit in between the two orifices concerned, moving things around, often washing, sometimes not, sometimes getting kinky… Well, in answer to this question: Ingesting even the slightest amount of poop can give you e.coli poisoning, and that shit (hahah puntastic) can kill you if it’s bad. Each year, enough is eaten to kill 61 people annually in the USA.

I think that’s enough. I’ve had a horrible time writing all this stuff out, but at the same time, I couldn’t recommend going on a similar information hunt for yourself enough. Through this research, I discovered that two toed sloths are regularly found in open air toilets- and no one knows why they do it. Fascinating. So if you’ve got the stomach for it, try figuring out some gross statistics for yourself. It will definitely kill about 12 solid hours.