Justin Bieber: a tool in the system of the damnned

I live in a reality that is barely affected by global pop sensations. The only time I listen to the radio is when it is playing in either a taxi or the shop I have walked in to, and the only time I watch television for more than 15 mins is if I happen to come across Family Guy, David Attenborough, or Antique Roadshow. It is usually through Family Guy, taxi radios, or my retail working friends that I learn about who or what is making kids/sad adults scream like the little girls they are.

If something seems completely ridiculous (see: often), I will then do a little bit of Youtube-ing to find out what all the fuss is about. By the time I do find out, there are generally a million parodies ready and waiting to tell me why they are so popular while at the same time so unpopular. I like my system; instead of trawling the internet for six months, waiting to find the next hilarious piss-take of something that is making lots of money or whatever, it’s all condensed into an hour of chuckles, eye rolling, or laughing so hard that I nearly pee myself in an internet cafe, after which I can get straight back to my uber-cool, night owl, indie/hipster lifestyle, the one in where I remain stoic and uninterested in the goings on in the world around me. Pop music? Psshhht. Celebrity? Puh-leeez. Pre-packaged, distressing opium for the masses that serves no purpose but to make loads of money for a few people, and make the dum-dums forget that the western world is teetering closely towards some major catastrophe, if we’re not already smack bang in the middle of one already, or that every other part of the world is definitely stuck in a awful hole they‘re struggling to get out of…

Which brings me to Justin Bieber. Like everyone with internet access, I was vaguely aware of the name, age, and music style that this kid produces. I knew that he is an international mega-star, riding on Youtube stallion onto the set of Oprah and Ellen, melting hearts etc etc… But I’d never really considered just how dangerous the whole scenario is. Let me explain.

Pop stars in the 90’s were probably the tipping point of mass manipulation based on the distorted image of a performer. The easiest example is the Spice Girls- five young ladies, all put there to represent an aspect of femininity all girls under the age of 14 could most relate to, and all men most wanted to bone. Somebody, somewhere, realised that the age old rule of sex + idolisation = money could be targeted at a younger market but still appeal to older ones. This is why Britney Spears happened. She is why Miley Cyrus happened, but the latter is too similar to the former to make as much of an impact.

And then Barrack Obama became president of the USA, and America became confused about religion. After years of the anti-terrorist, anti-Islamic, unashamedly racist attitude held by so many in that country, along comes a well educated black man with one name very similar to one name of the Islamic super-villain that supposedly attacked America 7 years previously. This, combined with a limited knowledge of his cultural background and lack of understanding or tolerance for anything except white America, leads to a frenzied resurgence of pride in the white American heritage, and of course, Christianity.

Christian groups were becoming increasingly frustrated with the over-sexualisation of pop stars (see: Miley Cyrus), the amount of violence on television, too much porn on the internet, too much Bill Henson, and whatever else it is Christian groups get offended by. Angry, uninspired Christians end up spending more time in church and less time buy things, so there was a wide gap in the music market just waiting for the right thing to come along.

Enter Justin Bieber; cute, innocent, raised by a Christian mother who is just SO proud of her teenage son that she just HAS to post videos of him singing r’n’b hits so that family and friends can see and be JUST as proud of his cutey little poonum face. Mom’s friends and family show their daughters and sisters, the daughters and sisters show their friends and cousins, the friends and cousins show their friends and all the usual viral things happen, and before you know it, the kid is famous on the internet, Mom and son thanking the Lord above all the way. THEN, like a dream, a clued in former marketing executive accidentally finds one of these videos, notices a trend in the fan base (young, christian, young and christian), can see the appeal of this kid to that fan base (given that in 2007, one of the year’s most popular songs was “Crank Dat (Soulja Boy), by Soulja Boy). And to top it off, the boy is an idiot, and idiots love a fellow idiot.

The popularity of Justin Bieber still follows that sex + idolisation = money equation, but is hidden by a thin veil of religion that appeals to so many. Worshipped mainly by girls who are too young to know that the pang in their bellies when they think of a cute boy is the beginnings of lust, or idiots who believe that there is a man who lives in the clouds who has complete control over the events on Earth and cares about every human being individually, BUT ONLY IF THEY TRULY BELIEVE HIS WORD AS PASSED ON BY THAT GUY, LEST HE SMITE THEM IN FURIOUS ANGER, one can easily see why all his fans believe him to be so fucking special. Cute face= toned down sex appeal. Teenager who looks vaguely androgynous= toned down sex appeal based on current fashion. Internet sensation= idolisation based on current fashion trend. Christian upbringing + vague Christian values in music= pure innocence. Pure innocence = refreshing change from current fashion trend= hype. Put it together, and you’ve got yourself millions of people, millions of morons, inflicted with Bieber Fever, who would willingly do whatever they could to defend him because he’s just soooooooooooooooooooo cute in his little hoodies and flashy shoes and his little girly voice.

Going back to a previous paragraph where I mentioned the distortion of the image of a performer for use in mass manipulation, Bieber’s management will push this young, fresh faced thing for as long as possible, will get all the fans banded together, and it is very possible that, in a little while, just before he looses his puppy fat for good, Justin Bieber could easily be used as a tool for evil. Can you see it? Are you as afraid for the future as I am? Justin Bieber is king of the internet already- 3% of Twitter’s usage is on his account, with over 4.5 million followers.

I sincerely hope that someone in his coaching-for-celebrity team fucks up, and he turns to partying, drugs, drink driving etc, because if he doesn’t, more and more people will be drawn to his moronic good-two-shoes image, take everything he says to heart, and defend him to the death, which could possibly turn into a literal statement. No one wants that. Maybe he needs to start hanging out with Lil’ Wayne, maybe get onto the Codeine carriage with him, start demanding that he write his own music, and everyone will realise that while he sure can sing, he ain’t got no real talent, and they’ll stop fucking worshipping the ground he stands on like a replacement fucking Jesus.

I’m risking my life by writing this piece. If I die in the next few weeks, it will be because the powers that be have realised that I know to much, and needed to get rid of me. So if that happens, SPREAD THE WORD. They can kill a person, yes, but they can’t kill independent thought, though very hard they do try.