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459 Fitzgerald Street
North Perth, WA, 6006
Australia

Interview with a Swine Flu victim

Tahlia Palmer: Steady Eye

Interview with a Swine Flu victim

Andrew Ryan

As you may know, Victoria is the country’s hub of swine flu activity. As of the 1st of June, there were 306 cases. On June 6th, there were 874. I’ve seen a few people with those little white masks on. Not very many though. Maybe this lack of masks, combined with the fact that no one seems concerned when I do big ol’ phlegmy coughs until I can’t breathe on packed public transport, is the reason for this strain’s rampant spread through the state? I found out that one of my friends had been diagnosed with swine flu, so I decided to interview him to shed some light on first hand experience with the world’s latest pandemic. Aden is an otherwise healthy 20 year old male. He was suffering from vertigo for about two weeks, which rendered him pretty incapable of doing anything except going to the doctor. He went because of something else, and mentioned the vertigo, so the doctor tested him for swine flu as a precaution. And, lucky boy, he was infected! He didn’t have any symptoms other than dizziness, but he missed out on his TAFE exams and stayed in bed watching movies for a week.

Tahlia: You’re not dead! The world will continue to be honoured with your creative output. How do you think you got it?

Aden: Well, I’m pretty sure it was public transport related. Most of the places that are on the news are on my train line.

Tahlia: That makes perfect sense. When did you get diagnosed?

Aden: It was about 2 weeks ago. I got over the vertigo a few days ago.

Tahlia: Brutal.

Aden: I was ok to go out Saturday night.

Tahlia: Of course you were.

Aden: Great timing!

Tahlia: Do you know anyone else who’s got it? Did you pass it on?

Aden: Nope and nope

Tahlia: That’s good. Doing your part for the cause.

Aden: I think Tamiflu would think differently (note: Tamiflu is a drug available in America for the treatment of influenza). I think it’s all been a little over blown.

Tahlia: The whole swine flu thing? For sure.

Aden: Some may say a lot. Yeah, it wasn’t bad. It’s a flu.

Tahlia: There have been no deaths in Australia, and we’re the 4th most infected country or something?

Aden: Yeah, old people and babies die of the flu all the time. Or less fortunate people.

Tahlia: People in countries with crappy health care systems (note: Mexico and America have the highest death rates at present)…

Aden: I’m not one for conspiracies, but I did hear about the American secretary of defense owning a large portion of some medical company that produces Tamiflu.

Tahlia: Oooo. That’s heavy.

Aden: It may be a load of crap but I guess it’s smart if that’s the case. The whole playing on peoples fear thing.

Tahlia: Pretty typical of this kind of situation. Perhaps also to distract from the failing economy?

Aden: Yeah, I wouldn’t put it past anyone. If you’re in a position of power you’re going to abuse it.

Tahlia: Hah, i agreed to an extent. But let’s not get into that too deeply. Thankyou for being a nice interviewee

Aden: No problem Tahlia.

So there you have it. It wasn’t that bad. Hopefully a vaccine can be created to help protect the weak among us from a worse experience, but for now, I’m sure we’ll all be okay. Unless of course it mutates quickly. And starts to turn the infected individuals into zombies. That would be fucking terrifying. I hope that doesn’t happen.